If you know me by now, you already know how much I advocate self-love and self-care. It’s not as simple as going shopping or buying yourself your favourite shoes. For me, self-love is diving deep into my mind, my soul and finding out who I really am and what I really want in this world. It’s soul-searching, heart-searching, self-analysis, constant observations and most importantly facing my dark side that most people have but choose to turn away from it.
Self-love doesn’t come easy especially these days when people are so busy trying to please everyone else, be it at home, at work or on social media. Everyone is trying to satisfy someone or the other whether they know it or not. In the bargain, they forget altogether what it’s like to come forth for themselves.
Self-Love ~ “Regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”
My journey to self-love began when I had just about had enough of the chronic pains, bad relationships and just getting exhausted from not being able to say no to people and situations. We’re so conditioned as people and especially as women to please everyone around us and to keep the calm that we forget how much of our soul gets bitten off bit by bit.
Everyone of us reach a point of frustration but most of us don’t know where to direct that frustration. I was lucky to be surrounded by amazing women who supported me, understood my emotions and tantrums, helped me dig deep down into the little crevices and pull out empowered and beautiful versions of myself I never really appreciated before. I learnt to lean into myself and see the light that now nothing stops me from being ME!
“The power of the woman”
It’s one thing being an impossible force to deal with but it’s another thing when you’ve got a whole band of power women to make you an unstoppable force! I have a select few women in my life who are the most driven, upbeat and caring women you will ever come across. If you ever cross their path you will be captured by their aura. Remember you attract what you put out there in the world. In my case, I was so done with the bullshit, I wanted to be surrounded with unconditional love and these fierce women are just what I needed.
So what I’m saying is, self-love is not an emotion or something that comes naturally, especially with today’s pressures. It’s a shift in your mindset. It’s a stand to say “NO! I’m done caring for others, now this is what I’m going to do for myself and I shall deal with you after I deal with ME!”
Self-love is understanding the person that you are, how you are, why you are the way you are, understanding your emotions, relationships and situations.
Self-love is acceptance, of who you really are as a whole. Accepting the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Accepting your physical and mental being, your emotions, losses and gains.
Self-love is forgiving yourself for being too harsh on yourself, for the pain, the shame, the wrong choices, the unhealthy decisions and the blame.
Self-love is healing. Healing physically, mentally, emotionally, environmentally and spiritually. Once you decide to accept you for you, you automatically make conscious and healthier decisions for yourself.
Self-love is purposeful. Once you decide to take that giant step of faith toward yourself, you’ll see a whole new world open up and unfold around you. You’ll lead life being enthusiastic and motivated, make smarter decisions with an intuition you never knew you had. You’ll look forward to life with zest and intent and make clearer choices based on your comfort and happiness.
Self-love is nurturing. Connection is a gift from God. Tuning into yourself, helps you connect your body and mind. Once you’ve found that connection, there’s a synchronicity between the body, the mind and the outside world. You’ll find that you’re softer and gentler with yourself. You will learn to face your shadows and turn to your inner child with love, compassion and non-judgement.
Self-love is growth and guides you to expand your emotional intelligence and develop a sense of awareness around you.
So how did I get to loving myself?
Introspection ~ “the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes.”
How often do you sit down and consciously think about your own thought processes and where to direct them? How often is it that you feel a certain way and can’t get rid of the feeling and don’t know where it’s coming from? How often is it that you develop a habit around an emotion and you don’t know how to deal with it? Or, how often is it when you know something is stemming from somewhere and you either ignore it or you put it away for a later time?
As human beings, we naturally ignore our emotions. Disregarding our emotions or hiding them away, makes them come out in ugly ways either in the physical body or in the mind. Introspection teaches us to take a moment and analyse our situations and emotions from the outside, from a non-judgemental point of view. It really turns your attention within you and nudges you in the right direction to healing and loving yourself.
I find introspection rather enlightening. I’ve gone into the depths of my soul and seen the beautiful creation that it is. I also find that I’m able to detach myself from situations and emotions and reach into my higher self. Introspection has brought discipline and growth to my emotional intelligence, has led me down a path of self discovery and spiked my curiosity for myself and the world around me.
Emotional Intelligence ~ Emotional intelligence has been defined, by Peter Salovey and John Mayer, as "the ability to monitor one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour".
How does one monitor their emotions?
Meditation
There is no better way to sit down and connect with yourself other than through meditation. It is a still and mindful practice of clearing your mind and focusing on an emotion, object or surrounding. It is the perfect way to train your mind to stay in the present, letting the baggage of the past go and to stop worrying about the future. Remember we’re all unique in our ways, no one path fits all. There are different types of meditation techniques out there, you just have to find what best fits you and then, begin your journey towards freedom. And most importantly, meditation relieves stress. What more could you want?!
Yoga
Yoga has not only healed me on the outside but also healed my soul. Like meditation, it slows you down, focusing on the now. It pushes your boundaries giving you a sense of purpose and don’t we all just love that! Yoga helps you connect with your breath, our life force, replenishing and refreshing our bodies. It works on stretching and strengthening our muscles, tissues, nerves, skin and bones. As well as internalising our practice and working on the inside, massaging our internal organs. The practice of yoga is divine. It grounds you and yet gives you wings.
Self Care
This is my favourite part. When I talk about self care, I’m shameless. I say this because I love to talk about sexuality in self care. So many of us especially women are so ashamed to talk about our bodies and what empowers us in bed. Also what we want and need from our partners. Self sexuality is good! Whether you do it behind closed doors or you’re open about it, it doesn’t matter. Explore your bodies, see what you like and what you don’t. Sexuality = Creativity. Open your mind and let the juices flow 😉
Having said that, there’s tons of ways to spoil yourself with self care.
· Longs baths
· Long walks
· Skin care
· Cooking a good meal
· Journaling
· Listening to soothing music
· Good sleep
· Pet time
· Going to the beach
· Watching a sunrise or sunset
· Reading
Most importantly create a space in your home environment that you would love to make “your space”. Set aside a time as often as you can, use crystals, burn candles, use plants, use mood lifting essential oils and sink into your world. Trust me there’s nothing better.
Self-love is not hard. It’s a conscious choice and a constant practice. It’s a reminder to be kind to ourselves and let everything flow around us. Oftentimes, we forget to appreciate ourselves for just being here on this planet and for the love we put into everyone’s lives around us. Self love is a reminder to pause and enjoy our bodies, be free in our minds and stay grounded.
Open the doors to all your opportunities. Set your intentions and put them out in the world. Loving yourself should come as easy as breathing when you take a moment and remind yourself of who you truly are. You are the light that’s meant to shine as bright as everyone else. Don’t be afraid to say no and set aside space and time for yourself. Demand what you desire and you shall receive it all.
Love & forever light,
Aphra Louise Williamson.
